You gotta love a good compliment like the one I got recently which will last me for at least a year or so.
A woman I know is really charming and smart and funny and young (like maybe 15 years younger than me, the possible great-grandmother). She also looks like a movie star. Anyway, her husband was watching me on video because this gal had interviewed me and she told me he liked what I said and thought I was good-looking!
I mean how great is that? That's high praise coming from the man married to this gal! I like that compliment and will now cancel out the great-grandmother comment forever.
Also, a very lovely woman who I don't know very well but really like told me she felt a connection with me and that felt very affirming. I always feel so dangling way out there but maybe that perception can melt away soon.
And I started the M Ed program and, while I'm worried about being able to do the work, I'm excited about it. Yay.
Ecofeminist, inconvenient prophet, artist, activist, cancer survivor, mother. Radical vulnerability on behalf of the collective. Using nakedness—literal+figurative. Processing my pain.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
No Medicine
Before and since the last event (a month ago now), I have been quite ill culminating in a really bad week last week. I am a lousy patient for many reasons. I feel a lot of shame about being ill period and shame about not actually appearing very ill (like those poor people on disability who were heckled by our charming ex-premier, Ralph Klein). Yeah, I know, I've stated that this is me, this is my body; but I can't quite shake this idea of being responsible and therefore culpable. On some level I do believe that I've created this in my life but I also know that I haven't figured it out and may never figure it out. It's a dilemma.
I'm also just not a patient person. I do not like to feel vulnerable. Being sick is a form of vulnerability. It's an area where one can exercise acceptance. There was a great feature in The Globe and Mail maybe last summer about people going through cancer. I was so amazed by how so many of them didn't complain. I complain. I do not suffer in silence. I am miserable. Struggle, struggle, struggle. When I'm sick, I'm just in it. It just aint pretty. I guess eventually I'll get beat and just give into it. I can't imagine what that actually looks like.
Anyway, I feel pretty normal these last couple of days! It's so cool to feel normal. Just, you know, awake and without the weight of lead in my being. I love the days of non-sick. I feel hope. It also helps me believe my last healing consultant. In the past, I had my team. But after years of not much progress, I've mainly just stuck with one person, Betty Dingreville. I've written before that she has an amazing intuitive ability and ability to move energy. I would not (nor would Betty herself) consider her the only possible facilitator of health for me. I believe the many different fields have something to offer--and I have tried them all. What I do find helpful about Betty is that when she explains what is going on, which she does on a holistic or whole person, energetic level, it makes sense to me.
Her take is that my body is letting go of old energy to heal; i.e to make way for more health and consciousness. Sometimes I believe this is true and sometimes I go through panicky, crabby doubts. It doesn't matter that much in the end. There isn't really any medicine for me to take.
I'm an interesting experiment of what I think health practices should look like: doctors working with intuitives and other allopathic practitioners--except, of course, no doctor in Alberta would be able or willing to meet with me and Betty. Insurance wouldn't allow it. But I have pioneered my own health strategy and cobbled together my own way. Let's hope my experiment is a big success. One thing I've wished I'd done is record all my sessions with Betty. They have been fascinating. But I can't even get around to editing my Human Body Project videos so it's just one of those things to let go of.
It's funny, Betty and I are both not looloo lala types. She especially is not your stereotypical healer lady. But I always fear when I mention these concepts that I lose people. Dave goes to Betty. He doesn't find what she says about "what's going on energetically" fascinating like I do, but he finds her work helpful.
I'm also just not a patient person. I do not like to feel vulnerable. Being sick is a form of vulnerability. It's an area where one can exercise acceptance. There was a great feature in The Globe and Mail maybe last summer about people going through cancer. I was so amazed by how so many of them didn't complain. I complain. I do not suffer in silence. I am miserable. Struggle, struggle, struggle. When I'm sick, I'm just in it. It just aint pretty. I guess eventually I'll get beat and just give into it. I can't imagine what that actually looks like.
Anyway, I feel pretty normal these last couple of days! It's so cool to feel normal. Just, you know, awake and without the weight of lead in my being. I love the days of non-sick. I feel hope. It also helps me believe my last healing consultant. In the past, I had my team. But after years of not much progress, I've mainly just stuck with one person, Betty Dingreville. I've written before that she has an amazing intuitive ability and ability to move energy. I would not (nor would Betty herself) consider her the only possible facilitator of health for me. I believe the many different fields have something to offer--and I have tried them all. What I do find helpful about Betty is that when she explains what is going on, which she does on a holistic or whole person, energetic level, it makes sense to me.
Her take is that my body is letting go of old energy to heal; i.e to make way for more health and consciousness. Sometimes I believe this is true and sometimes I go through panicky, crabby doubts. It doesn't matter that much in the end. There isn't really any medicine for me to take.
I'm an interesting experiment of what I think health practices should look like: doctors working with intuitives and other allopathic practitioners--except, of course, no doctor in Alberta would be able or willing to meet with me and Betty. Insurance wouldn't allow it. But I have pioneered my own health strategy and cobbled together my own way. Let's hope my experiment is a big success. One thing I've wished I'd done is record all my sessions with Betty. They have been fascinating. But I can't even get around to editing my Human Body Project videos so it's just one of those things to let go of.
It's funny, Betty and I are both not looloo lala types. She especially is not your stereotypical healer lady. But I always fear when I mention these concepts that I lose people. Dave goes to Betty. He doesn't find what she says about "what's going on energetically" fascinating like I do, but he finds her work helpful.
Some Recent Comments About The Last Event
I thought I'd finally get around to posting some recent comments people have sent me via e-mail:
HI Tasha:
I finally have the opportunity to comment on this amazingly powerful event.
I am not sure what I was expecting, I have never helped out in an art exhibition before.
What I wanted to share with you is that you had an amazing impact on several people that night. Those women who joined you at the centre of the room with their clothes removed, needed also to express themselves in a way that was totally unexpected. These women were obviously struggling with issues in their lives as we all do, and needed a healthy and unique way to express themselves. I believe they gained a great sense of strength from the project.
I will assume that their involvement was completely unexpected. I think that the simple act of you allowing them to be vulnerable with you…actually gave them the sense of acceptance in knowing that others also struggle…women struggle for many reasons. As we heard, men also struggle. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to experience this incredibly meaningful experience.
You mentioned that it was for yourself that you were doing this. I believe however, you understand that others benefit from your work and that your work, as with all art forms, can have deep meaning for those who experience it. I got very positive feelings from this event and I hope you also realize the impact that you had. I am very proud of you!
I do not know if we ever get any answers to some of the questions we have in life. I believe that people are good and that when we are able to take just a moment to centre ourselves, we can make an impact, and that should make us feel good. When we focus on the good that is within our own selves and reach out to others we allow that goodness to grow. I do not mean to say that we ignore those things within us that need work…it all begins with awareness, consciousness, acceptance…
YOU DID GOOD!! I encourage you to seek the ways that you allow your goodness to grow everyday, and…I will also ask you this, what are the things that have caused you to question the goodness in yourself and the goodness that is in the world? You are a teacher and an expressive person who is able to empower others…what a wonderful gift!
Thank you again, Tasha
Take Care
Rumi
I just saw your Human Body Project Group and I have to say how happy I am that you have taken the time to do this. I remember seeing the project in the SAAG and it affected me in different ways. I wasn't sure if I should be looking at it and avert my eyes, should be uncomfortable, should be upset by it...
I think we are so separated from those things that are most natural that when we are confronted by them, we don't know what to think, act, and feel.
I was wondering when your next event will be. I would love to be there.
Bravo for doing those things that the rest of us are afraid to do.
L.
Hey Tasha--I just wanted to express to you how grateful I am for being able to witness yet another event that made people dig deep into their own sense of worth-my own included. I had grand visions of being much more helpful than I actually was and instead was the one who walked away -yet again- from the experience much richer. I know I still do not know you well-but I can tell you that I like how you make me think. I think you are a grand person Tasha and I hope I get to know you better. Have a fabulous day!--- Joanne
HI Tasha:
I finally have the opportunity to comment on this amazingly powerful event.
I am not sure what I was expecting, I have never helped out in an art exhibition before.
What I wanted to share with you is that you had an amazing impact on several people that night. Those women who joined you at the centre of the room with their clothes removed, needed also to express themselves in a way that was totally unexpected. These women were obviously struggling with issues in their lives as we all do, and needed a healthy and unique way to express themselves. I believe they gained a great sense of strength from the project.
I will assume that their involvement was completely unexpected. I think that the simple act of you allowing them to be vulnerable with you…actually gave them the sense of acceptance in knowing that others also struggle…women struggle for many reasons. As we heard, men also struggle. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to experience this incredibly meaningful experience.
You mentioned that it was for yourself that you were doing this. I believe however, you understand that others benefit from your work and that your work, as with all art forms, can have deep meaning for those who experience it. I got very positive feelings from this event and I hope you also realize the impact that you had. I am very proud of you!
I do not know if we ever get any answers to some of the questions we have in life. I believe that people are good and that when we are able to take just a moment to centre ourselves, we can make an impact, and that should make us feel good. When we focus on the good that is within our own selves and reach out to others we allow that goodness to grow. I do not mean to say that we ignore those things within us that need work…it all begins with awareness, consciousness, acceptance…
YOU DID GOOD!! I encourage you to seek the ways that you allow your goodness to grow everyday, and…I will also ask you this, what are the things that have caused you to question the goodness in yourself and the goodness that is in the world? You are a teacher and an expressive person who is able to empower others…what a wonderful gift!
Thank you again, Tasha
Take Care
Rumi
I just saw your Human Body Project Group and I have to say how happy I am that you have taken the time to do this. I remember seeing the project in the SAAG and it affected me in different ways. I wasn't sure if I should be looking at it and avert my eyes, should be uncomfortable, should be upset by it...
I think we are so separated from those things that are most natural that when we are confronted by them, we don't know what to think, act, and feel.
I was wondering when your next event will be. I would love to be there.
Bravo for doing those things that the rest of us are afraid to do.
L.
Hey Tasha--I just wanted to express to you how grateful I am for being able to witness yet another event that made people dig deep into their own sense of worth-my own included. I had grand visions of being much more helpful than I actually was and instead was the one who walked away -yet again- from the experience much richer. I know I still do not know you well-but I can tell you that I like how you make me think. I think you are a grand person Tasha and I hope I get to know you better. Have a fabulous day!--- Joanne
Hey, Tash,
I've been meaning to talk to you since your show (which I loved, by the way!) It stimulated a tremendous amount of thought on my part; I hadn't realised how much I had subconsciously been thinking about these same issues. It was the oddest experience: I came home and started telling B. about it and I just started crying - couldn't stop - it was like that evening had unlocked some latent anxieties that I didn't know I had. Poor B. - he wasn't quite sure what to make of it all, but then, neither did I. Anyway, it did me a lot of good. Thanks for that. You must have been thrilled with the turn out and response. Fascinating to see and hear the male perspective. I was very intrigued with the one guy though very glad I didn't have to see his video - ha ha!!
A.
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