It's taken me a bit of time to digest this whole process, but I think I can put it down on paper and do it enough justice to justify making it tangible by putting it on paper. Ha. So, yes, if you want, you can post my comments.
This whole experience was gigantic for me. First and foremost, it was a spiritual journey, and I wasn't exactly sure why, but after months of shuffling through it, I think I have slightly put my finger on it.
I have always had body image issues. I have always felt "told" by "the big bad media" and my peers, that I wasn't good enough. That my body wasn't the right body. Ha. That my skin wasn't clear enough, my breasts not symmetrical enough, my hair too dark, my legs too short. And I have believed all those things. When I would compare myself to models and porn stars... other women as portrayed by our society as what "beauty" is... I always looked different. And I have always thought that was a bad thing... because I have been told that that is a bad thing.
The months leading up to the Human Body Project were preparation for it. Those months were filled with self hatred, and crying until I ached, because the lies that I believed about my body just kept repeating in my head. One day, I just got so fucking sick of it (ha. I swear because I'm passionate... it oozes out, a million pardons). I knew the things I believed about my body were lies. I wanted to love my body! I wanted to accept me! Life passed, and a million synchronistic things occurred and when I saw the poster for the Human Body Project, I knew I HAD to be there. I even had a funny thought that if I could be naked in the middle of the room with Tasha, that I would. Which scared the SHIT out of me. But I knew I would do it if the opportunity arose.
So, I went to the HBP. And the Funniest thing occurred... the opportunity arose. Ha. So, I'm sitting in my chair, with a Fire in the center of my chest, knowing that I HAD to do this thing... be naked in the center of the room, with everyone else just staring. Ha. I knew the Divine was asking me to do it... that it would be healing. And I was thinking that it was a nightmare come to life! Ha. But I did it, and it was one of the best experiences in life.
The whole time I was sitting naked on that chair, the thought that kept repeating was "I can't believe I am doing this" and "my grandmother would have a heart attack". But I walked out of there not believing the lies that I had walked in with. It was so beautiful to sit next to three other lovely ladies, and just be seen. I had never spent time naked with other women. Ha. I plan on doing more of it now because it broke down so many barriers for me! Now I know in my deepest heart, that there is no such thing as "the right body". There is no such thing as "the way I should look". There is just me. There is just what I am and who else can I fucking be? Ha.
In a nutshell, I was able to confront my fears. I was able to show others all the things I was afraid were the "wrong things". I was able to recognize that all my "flaws" were a complete fabrication. There is no such thing as a flaw when it comes to who I am. I am just me. And I was able to come to closer grips with that. It scared the hell out of me... and I LOVED every second of it.
A word of warning... It also unleashed the streaker in me. Ha. Watch out, Lethbridge!
Tasha, I just want to say thanks. This project has really affected my life, and I am so thankful that you are doing it.