Monday, February 27, 2006

Porn/Non-porn

One of the reasons that I want to present my naked body to be looked at is because I hate porn. Writing that, I feel the need to expand about what I mean by “I hate porn.” But before I do, let me say more about presenting my body as a non-porn item.

As I’ve mentioned, I’m 44 years old. My breasts are small. My legs and bum are flabby. I have a caesarean scar. Etc. I will not be acting like I want it, baby. I will not be posing. I will be feeling emotions that I will not make a big effort to hide. I’m using myself because a) I have a body; b) hiring someone else to do it would completely alter the reality and emotions of the situation; and c) I am dying to see non-pornified human bodies represented (I begin to foresee the direction this project will take…) I want to see people with flaws who are not trying to manipulate my weaknesses to sell me something.

Which brings me to why I hate porn. As the hater-of-self that I was/am, I know too well what trying to look and be like something desirable did to me. And that was before the Internet and the normalization of porn. I knew I was fat (I wasn’t). I knew I was flat (I was, but I eventually learned that not every man, contrary to the predominance of images available, is obsessed with large breasts). I knew in some way, my looks were not quite right (I didn’t look like the models I compared myself to). I felt unlovable and freakish for my complete inability to be what I thought men liked: someone who was never too much.

Luckily, for me, in 70s Calgary and in my weirdness and non-cutesiness, I didn’t feel a whole lot of pressure to be sexual before I was ready. But we’re in the pornified 2000s now. Even if really explicit, really specific, really available porn did not exist, which, of course, it does, the images we all see everywhere are frequently about sexualizing young women and girls.

What about that really explicit, really specific, really available porn, then? Well, it’s not really real, is it? It’s beyond cliché to note that many women (and men) in porn, are not from your luckiest realm of society. They may not actually be having a good time. That girl on your monitor (or giving you a lap dance) is not actually, sorry to break this to you, sooooo horneeeeee for you now!!!!!!!
I’m not a prude and I’m not pro-censorship. I also believe you gotta do what you gotta do. So if anal gang-bang sites are your thing or if you’d rather pay for a lap grind than go home to the wife and kids, I can’t do much about it. May I humbly suggest, though, that the world holds more love for you than you are willing to allow yourself?

And while I’m at it, can I just show you a human body over here? Nope, not what you might call super sexy, but loveable nonetheless. I’m going to die one day. Just like you. I’ve got some drooping bits and wrinkles. If you don’t have them now, you will. And I don’t actually feel comfortable exposing my naked body. You, too, experience discomfort about yourself.

I completely deplore how we deny our own humanity and the humanity of others and how that shows up so much in what we see represented. And, as the mother of a four-year-old girl, I fiercely hate the way our mercantile, adult garbage pollutes the sexual awakening of children. With my flabby, imperfect body, I’m making my own small stand for humanity and real adulthood. I am a grown up human. And I look like it.

3 comments:

  1. your project is such a good idea. it will be so helpful. i am extremely uncomfortable being naked in front of other people and also being around naked people. i wish that your project was in DC so i could participate!

    good luck and thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I feel quite strongly about the harmful ways of porn. I wouldn't say these people involved in porn are necessarily messed up but maybe rather lost. They are probably very beautiful people by the worlds standards. They have what the selfish, materialistic people of the world want. Porn feeds off of our weaknesses. We are driven by our inner selves. We have sex drives for a reason. Im pretty sure the reason wasn't so we could abuse them by sleeping around and cheating on "true love". What is sex? Is it kinky and steamy and sweaty,maybe it could be. Sex these days has become very self based. Everything is about making you feel good. What happened to sex within bonds of marriage or love? IS that really that bad? I mean I personally wouldnt ever give it up to some jerk who really doesnt care about me. So therefore those involved in porn maybe they just dont know what they are truly worth?What happened to self worth and individuality? They have great assets (their bodies) for the porn industry but they also have much more to offer the good aspects of life. Why cant we focus on true beauty? What is so bad about a persons talents and skills outside of the bedroom. we are given so much and now a days it seems they don't even matter outside a job interview, even there looks have proven to take presidence. So are we doomed to fall into the shallow expectations of the world and its materialistic wants or can we rise above and try for true satisfaction of successful efforts we made? We can find self worth, we just have to be smarter than the rest!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Regarding your statement on the pre-teen fellacio...this is hardly surprising, i agree...
    This fslls under my considered view that this culture will have car driving worker-bees/ants
    at any cost...sexuality, while the more obvious behavior, is merely in line with the accellerated "prompting" of the very young to grow up earlier and earlier.
    I must take exception to this whole notion that imagery=corruption from the standpoint that males generally seem to be more visual....I submit that drvers liscencing will determine the alcohol/sex/driving/power correlatives that are ingrained in all/most...if we take away the alcohol/cars/pharmaceuticals/money/CLOTHING, one might see the present "TRUE" state of this our society/culture/country/planet
    being the least political person on the planet,
    i do not dwell on the power equation: this is the utility of Buddhistic(particul. sitting)over the past few decades...excepting the "discontiguouty" of these meanderng thought
    patterns...i must say, i was very disconcerted and am hoping you will reply soon, as it would be most disheartening to hear somhting in the Media by chance...and we dont even know one another...nevertheless, you are a rarity and the same age...i have been trying to find one who is able to converse/communicate, and you seem to have the ability to comprehend some of my rantings...i am curious (no, its not what most people think...i am not in to what most people are thinking and know little about)to know what sun sign(western system)...it would be extremely odd if you are a Pisces. The reason
    i mention this is the reference to intuition in
    one of your blogs...I keep trying to talk to people about certain things like intuition and i am utterly disappointed by those who i once considred of "average" intelligence"(i dont even know the meaning of this term in the practcable sense...Tahnk you for reminding me how alone some of us are. Back to the drawing board...independence/individuality/discovery
    Compentium0@hotmail.com vide; Jamie Cherpaw

    ReplyDelete