tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-150218573567321160.post5455846868409616106..comments2023-03-23T08:37:52.367-07:00Comments on Human Body Project: What is this blog?/Healing updateTasha Diamanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07486237257834395777noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-150218573567321160.post-86083668864055627722006-06-28T01:38:19.000-07:002006-06-28T01:38:19.000-07:00Ah, but messy is so cozy! If your project has don...Ah, but messy is so cozy! If your project has done nothing for this girl, it has forced my hand in stripping down to my most basic, organic me; to look long and hard and selflessly at the only me I’ve ever known…and to wonder what I’d see if I cleaned up the veritable disaster area I’ve put between the girl reflected in the mirror, and the girl who wants nothing more than to love her. Then I get in the shower, clean myself up, put on a pile of make up and some clothes, and sigh relief that I don’t have to do it all again for at least another 24 hours. <br><br>I hope a wee blog en-blog is alright with you?<br><br>In the five or so years leading up to this day, Physical Me has taken many a shape. And each phase of my shape-shifting seems to directly affect my happy-quotient on any given day…. Further, said happiness is often, if not always contingent upon what the scale reads, after my morning poop. Still not entirely sure why. I was a chubby baby; a chubby little girl; a big boned, older little girl; a very overweight early-20-something; a comparatively svelte and overconfident new wife and late-20-something; a struggling-with-that-last-stubborn-30-lbs postpartum wife and new mom, with everything to be blissful about…but never satisfied. It’s funny (though not ha-ha funny), but anytime I’ve been asked to describe myself as a youngster or adolescent, the ridiculous descriptions above seem always to precede ‘easy-going’ or ‘cheerful’ or ‘kind-hearted’ – which I generally tended to be and am. At what point did I decide that my size was even worthy of mention? Herein lies my own all-consuming messed-upness. <br><br>The blame-game is something I’ve fought hard to avoid, as at 31, I recognize its absolute futility, and hope that I’ve gonads enough to accept my own part in shaping Adult Me – emotional and physical. The laundry list of blame candidates would make anyone’s head spin, though I suspect within this forum, perhaps I am not alone. Rather than being thankful for my health, I secretly hope my doc will tell me I’m hypo-thyroid, and hand me over some fixy pills. At the end of the day, though, I can only ask myself over and over again….despite the unconditional love and respect of partner, child, parents, siblings and friends, what is it that makes this body so reprehensible to its own eyes? And yes, I do mean ‘body’. Never mind the more pressing but improvable foibles that need work. I’m passive-aggressive, critical, and even without compassion, as members of the above lovers of me might opine. And still, it is my lousy body image that always seems to achieve top billing over all that other “tripe”. Which begs the question – is it the shit I clutter and hoard up in my “physical closet o’ crap” the same shit that eventually spews so thoughtlessly and hurtfully in every direction when I least intend it to? Some might say that I am making my battles everyone else’s without even realizing it….and I probably agree. Is it my stripe to be this miserable? I sure as hell hope not… <br><br>Anyway, Tasha…I do not assume that my life story is anything you need or want to hear. Perhaps I am just trying to relate a personal, same-but-different observation of the body image quandary. It is hardly a wonder to me why women view you and your project and your plight with much reverence and adulation; and see that even a most fragile and unconfident person can rise to the daunting task of utter naked self-awareness. By your work and your blog, you are articulating the collective inner-thoughts and dilemmas of a generation of women (AND men!). And by doing so, you have opened this girl’s eyes to something far greater than that which is skin deep. And overcoming my own familiar and destructive paradigms is absolutely vital to the happy and confident little girl I hope to raise to be a happy and confident woman – no matter what.<br><br>For the eye-opening, I thank you. <br><br>Wishing you every success along your journey,<br>Dionne<br>Lethbridgedbkowalchuknoreply@blogger.com